I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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