i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
