I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
