He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
