i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
