I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
