i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
