Sry I called you an 8
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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