We won't sleep together?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
