Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
