Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
