I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I party with great urgency now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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