I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
