I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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