So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
