I am puke
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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