bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the day after is always just damage control
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
