oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
