she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
