That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
