if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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