i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
