I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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