if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
smell my finger.
do herpes really smell.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
