You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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