Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
