I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
