he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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