i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
