me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
