Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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