Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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