Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize