i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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