I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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