i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
