saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
