Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
