I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
