my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i wish my penis had a tongue
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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