I skipped work to stalk him.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
