She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
