my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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