I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
