i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
