get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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