I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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