She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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