On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
