I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We had to coat check the pizza.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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